spaghetti...want it but cant have it..

i thought of sharing my thoughts again...im just so relieved because i was able to share my thoughts with 2 of my friends...i know i can trust them... i feel more light and better because i was able to tell someone else besides myself..hahaha..my friend1 told me that im just so stupid because of what im doing and i just should do something about it and friend2 is also going through what im going through so she understands how hard it is...im so happy i chose to tell them both because i get 2 sides...but even if i get advise and all my feelings and emotions are still the same (sucks!!!). i try to forget it by doing other things like studying and working but in the end i go back to ground zero...i try not to think of it or really erase it from my mind but even if i do my best it still wont go away. if i can only lysol,chlorox,ajax, acetone,bleech or whatever it out i would in a heart beat (friend1 wont agree but friend2 would understand how hard it is). its like you know you want spaghetti so much because it so good and thats what your stomach desires but you can have it because you have no way to buy it and its will just add calories to you...thats how i feel...im actually in a dead end in what im doing right now to myself but in the back of my head im still hoping that some miracle would happen.. i know this blog is very confusing because im not going in to specifics but really what im feeling is also very confusing..hahhaa...maybe im writing this blog because im all alone in the house and i have so much time to think of my emotions and feelings but i know in time it will go away..haha..i wish..i should be studying right now...so i have to go and try to forget it even for and hour or so..btw, im craving for spaghetti...peaceout

THIS FEELING WONT GO AWAY

for the past two weeks my feeling has been bothering me. i hate this feeling because i never expected this to happen. i keep praying to God that he just please take away this feeling i have and just replace it with another feeling. i possibly cannot remove my sadness and confusion right now but i just pray that my life wouldnt be as hard as it is. im pretty happy because everything has been going great in my life then "boom" i started to feel this weird feelings. i told you to stay away but u didnt. i want to go away but i cant. so now what shoudl i do? i feel like im trapped and have no where else to go. i need you to get out of my life. i need you as a friend but not anything else. i want to beg but i have no guts to do so. i realize how special you are to me but not to the point that i feel so lonely when i think of you. if you ask for my heart you know il give it to you in a heart beat but hey, i know you wont take care of it and that thought just hurts so much. i want to be with you i want to love you i want to take care of you i want to spoil you i want to be there in everything that you do i want to be there when u laugh i want to be there when u smile i what to be YOURS. but in the end i know its not right. so please go...go fare away. far from me and far from my heart. just run...il miss your eyes that looks at me like im the one. il miss your voice that makes my tummy hurt, il miss your kwentos that makes me want to listen to you all day long il miss you!!! everything about you!!!! so for now all i can do is write about you but i cant take this feeling away...time for me to sleep...hope i wont see u un dreamland....peaceout

Rants

it has been awhile since i wrote my last blog. its 12:03 am and im not yet sleepy.. i had a hell of a week. im pretty much disappointed with my test yesterday. i know i did my best but i couldnt answer some numbers. after taking the test i realized it was just so simple. i have to be optimistic cuz if i let it get to me its going to be really bad. yesterday was a bad day for me. i got so irritated with this person who was so mayabang. i mean this person has always been like that but yesterday the person really got to me. i know this person is smart but the hell you dont have to brag about it. i hate when this person feels like he/she know it all...grrr.. anyway, i boxed yesterday. it was fun but i got tired right away. after boxing i realized i dint eat the whole day ( maybe thats the reason why i got dizzy right away) so i ate a full dinner. i cooked mushroom soup cuz i was craving for it. today i went to school for my SC stuff. it was so funny cuz everyone noticed what i was wearing. they asked why i was "nakaporma" but i really wasn't. i guess i dont look that good regulary..hahhaa...anyway...till next time..peace out

First Post..im so sad! always naman eh..

it's 11:53 pm and i decided to create a blog. this is my third blog that i created. i can't find the first blog i made so i decided to make a new one. i have been depressed for the past few weeks. i should not be because i find it so strange that I'm making myself suffer. i can honestly blame myself for all the emotions and sadness i feel but i just can't resist the feeling. i don't know why I'm falling for someone who doesn't even know me. i find it so weird that i am feeling all of this for a person who doesn't even know i exist. i don't know if i am getting crazy or what but one thing is for sure i want to forget him. i don't know how. the worst thing is that he is taken and i can see how happy he is. i don't want to see him, i don't want to think of him and i definitely don't want to fall for him anymore. is it possible? i doubt....i ask myself why am i feeling this right now. all i can answer to myself is that maybe I'm just longing for someone to love me or to even care about me. its been awhile since I've been in love. i just sometime think to myself how nice it would be if someone was even thinking of me besides my family. if someone was thinking if i ate already or am i ok or what i was doing or if i wanted to watch a movie...i guess its not yet my time. i should really be happy cuz i have my friends and my family but any girl would be happy if she had someone to take care of. i miss the feeling of waiting for a test message and when your phone beeps your hurt starts to beat faster or waiting for you phone to ring and talk on the telephone like there is no classes the next day. i also miss caring for someone. i guess you can call me "maalaga" when it comes to that. i don't intent to spoil but sometimes i do because it makes me happy. all i can do is write it down in this blog. maybe someday someone will be there in front of me and will tell me that he loves me. until then i will be waiting or not...hahhaa....i dont know..ill just take it day by day....so there..I'm sleepy..i just wanted to write down what I'm feeling right now. till then. peace.