spaghetti...want it but cant have it..

i thought of sharing my thoughts again...im just so relieved because i was able to share my thoughts with 2 of my friends...i know i can trust them... i feel more light and better because i was able to tell someone else besides myself..hahaha..my friend1 told me that im just so stupid because of what im doing and i just should do something about it and friend2 is also going through what im going through so she understands how hard it is...im so happy i chose to tell them both because i get 2 sides...but even if i get advise and all my feelings and emotions are still the same (sucks!!!). i try to forget it by doing other things like studying and working but in the end i go back to ground zero...i try not to think of it or really erase it from my mind but even if i do my best it still wont go away. if i can only lysol,chlorox,ajax, acetone,bleech or whatever it out i would in a heart beat (friend1 wont agree but friend2 would understand how hard it is). its like you know you want spaghetti so much because it so good and thats what your stomach desires but you can have it because you have no way to buy it and its will just add calories to you...thats how i feel...im actually in a dead end in what im doing right now to myself but in the back of my head im still hoping that some miracle would happen.. i know this blog is very confusing because im not going in to specifics but really what im feeling is also very confusing..hahhaa...maybe im writing this blog because im all alone in the house and i have so much time to think of my emotions and feelings but i know in time it will go away..haha..i wish..i should be studying right now...so i have to go and try to forget it even for and hour or so..btw, im craving for spaghetti...peaceout