spaghetti...want it but cant have it..

i thought of sharing my thoughts again...im just so relieved because i was able to share my thoughts with 2 of my friends...i know i can trust them... i feel more light and better because i was able to tell someone else besides myself..hahaha..my friend1 told me that im just so stupid because of what im doing and i just should do something about it and friend2 is also going through what im going through so she understands how hard it is...im so happy i chose to tell them both because i get 2 sides...but even if i get advise and all my feelings and emotions are still the same (sucks!!!). i try to forget it by doing other things like studying and working but in the end i go back to ground zero...i try not to think of it or really erase it from my mind but even if i do my best it still wont go away. if i can only lysol,chlorox,ajax, acetone,bleech or whatever it out i would in a heart beat (friend1 wont agree but friend2 would understand how hard it is). its like you know you want spaghetti so much because it so good and thats what your stomach desires but you can have it because you have no way to buy it and its will just add calories to you...thats how i feel...im actually in a dead end in what im doing right now to myself but in the back of my head im still hoping that some miracle would happen.. i know this blog is very confusing because im not going in to specifics but really what im feeling is also very confusing..hahhaa...maybe im writing this blog because im all alone in the house and i have so much time to think of my emotions and feelings but i know in time it will go away..haha..i wish..i should be studying right now...so i have to go and try to forget it even for and hour or so..btw, im craving for spaghetti...peaceout

THIS FEELING WONT GO AWAY

for the past two weeks my feeling has been bothering me. i hate this feeling because i never expected this to happen. i keep praying to God that he just please take away this feeling i have and just replace it with another feeling. i possibly cannot remove my sadness and confusion right now but i just pray that my life wouldnt be as hard as it is. im pretty happy because everything has been going great in my life then "boom" i started to feel this weird feelings. i told you to stay away but u didnt. i want to go away but i cant. so now what shoudl i do? i feel like im trapped and have no where else to go. i need you to get out of my life. i need you as a friend but not anything else. i want to beg but i have no guts to do so. i realize how special you are to me but not to the point that i feel so lonely when i think of you. if you ask for my heart you know il give it to you in a heart beat but hey, i know you wont take care of it and that thought just hurts so much. i want to be with you i want to love you i want to take care of you i want to spoil you i want to be there in everything that you do i want to be there when u laugh i want to be there when u smile i what to be YOURS. but in the end i know its not right. so please go...go fare away. far from me and far from my heart. just run...il miss your eyes that looks at me like im the one. il miss your voice that makes my tummy hurt, il miss your kwentos that makes me want to listen to you all day long il miss you!!! everything about you!!!! so for now all i can do is write about you but i cant take this feeling away...time for me to sleep...hope i wont see u un dreamland....peaceout